You would rather talk on the phone with friends than study for college entrance exams, too in the moment to be making plans, seeing your school as a means to an end. I was more worried about your future, which seems so silly now with this hindsight of my grief affecting me like a blight leaving me tinged with the smell of manure. The bathing is hard, and drink is easy, I move my elbow for bottles and pens, I know I will never feel clean again, so my skin and hair have become greasy, Ask what happened to me and no one knew I spent all my time on the phone with you.